CJ60 #82: This Doesn't Feel Long Enough to Me

Tawog the Risen Dead chapter 12: The guys talk heartbreak and the times that Iron Maiden, Iron Man 3, Alice Cooper and Frankenweenie severely let them down. There's also natter about Seth's new bar, LGBT lights, Ace's anti-masturbation device, and Ace and Matt give us their 1 word reviews of the movie. And talking of potentially good, we then get onto our latest fan fiction, failing miserably to get through one chapter and discovering that Tony cannot pronounce the word "pizzeria". Oh, and them people on the internet are dicks by the way.

CJ60 #81: I Can't Just Leave You Here, You Ass Raptor!

Tawog the Risen Dead chapter 10-11: The guys imagine what it would be like to create their own country: Matt is all about drugs and gay marriage, Tony's is holidays and no marriage, Ace doesn't really care and it's probably best to quickly gloss over Seth's dream of a new fatherland. The cheeky chaps also talk about possibly dead female wrestlers, Happy Gilmore basically being child porn, the new Gary Glitter reality show "Oh Gary", social justice warriors and how #CJ60 was just created as a form of therapy for Seth. Then it's onto our amazingly anti-climatic fan fiction. You're welcome.

CJ60 #80: Maybe It Really Is All Cocks in the End

Tawog the Risen Dead chapter 8-9: Ace is back...or is he? Seth thinks Ace is an imposter replaced by our lizard overlords which is a much better conspiracy theory than Tony's - Ice Cream Social kidnapping? Yeah, like Matt, Paul and Jacob would do such a thing, they're just pussycats...or are they? Anyhoo, there's also talk of Maskimals, the new It movie, Tobe Hooper, the Game of Thrones South Park reference and how everyone now hates Gumball after that social justice joke. And talking of how everyone hates Gumball, we read another 2 chapters of our Gumball fan fiction...SALT PORK!!

CJ60 #79: The Nudist Beach Erection Party

Tawog the Risen Dead chapter 7-8: Matt is drinking pumpkin spice coffee, Tony's pissed off with American's who don't know that London isn't a country (especially Penn Jillette) and Seth's just Seth. The bunch chat about the clothing optional Hair showings in London (which is a fucking city, not a country), RJ Owens' balls, the Game of Thrones cunt count and Donald Trump staring at the sun. Then it's onto our wonderful fan fiction where Matt gets so bored that he goes off and finds out the true origin of Lexi / Lexy / whatever the fuck she's called.

CJ60 #78: Give Me My Foreskin Back, Mother

Tawog the Risen Dead chapter 6: the guys talk Game of Thrones although Seth's reading the books, Tony is watching the new season and Matt has just started from the beginning. Tony's convinced that the writers are trying to get every character to say 'cunt' in the new season. Seriously, just watch the next episode, see how many people use that word, I mean British people just don't talk like that. There's also natter about Rick & Morty, circumcision, Schitts Creek, reindeers, WWII in Colour and West Covina. Then it's back to our brutal, violent and overall crap fan fiction. Cunt!!

CJ60 #77: Deepthroating a Popsicle

Tawog the Risen Dead chapter 4-5: Seth is melting in the ridiculous Portland heat while Tony asks how he can enjoy an ice lolly without it looking like he's sucking a dick - Matt's got a great solution for the latter which involves making eye contact with a stranger while sucking. There's talk of the new Alice Cooper album, this month's free PS4 games and Night in the Woods. Then it's onto this weeks fan fiction which raises the question: where have all the cows have gone? And talking of disappearances: if anyone out there has our Ace, can you give him back please, we're starting to miss him.

CJ60 #76: Butt Men With Big Guns

Tawog the Risen Dead chapter 1-3: There's talk of when 2 unconnected worlds collide (mainly NIN and the video game Polybius), celebrity deaths (RIP George, Martin and Chester), Ed Sheeran being a shit actor and ginger too, all the hilarious Snow Dogs references in American Crime Story and why all the timelords in Dr Who are British and white. Then its a welcome return for Gumball and Darwin in our new fan fiction which is all about a world where punctuation does not exist.

CJ60 #75: I Crippled My Kids For Disneyworld

Wonder Woman by Joss Whedon pages 1-16: Tony's seriously considering renting out his family to creepy old guys who visit Disney theme parks while Ace comes up with killer a new pitch for a TV show called Racist Grandpa - the main character will be played by Sir Sean Connery or Mr Shaun Connelly, whichever one's cheapest and available. Matt is convinced that Ace is a cartoon character living in a cartoon world and Seth still hasn't got over the death of Uncle Mike. There's no fan fiction this week because we decide to read an unmade movie script and we quickly discover why it's unmade - what the fuck where you thinking Joss???

CJ60 #74: Never Scrape Your Tongue

Sonic & Gumball: Back In Time chapter 1 & 2 / Sonic & Gumball: A Nightmare on Elmore Street: This episode is definitely a case of déjà vu as the guys believe they've already recorded episode 74 last week, or was that just a strange dream? Anyhow, the guys chat about Mexican gardener noise terrorists, Gene Simmons being the absolute worst, used tampons, the horror of childbirth and how they generally hate women. On the plus side, there's no talk at all about the remake of Ghostbusters. Then it's onto not one but two pieces of god-awful fan fiction which is going to make Uncle Mike turn in his grave whoever Uncle Mike is because he was first referenced on last weeks podcast that was never recorded as it was just a dream - this is beginning to be like that movie Inception but more enjoyable and much more understandable.

CJ60 #73: Tickle Me Anti-Semitic Elmo

Sonic & Gumball: Cowboys chapter 1 & 2: The guys ponder what they'd wish for if, like Elmo in Elmo Saves Christmas, they had 3 wishes. Matt wants to time travel while Ace is just happy looking at black people on Google Image search. There's also talk of Seth's quiet birthday celebrations, Penn & Teller coming to Manchester, Alice Cooper's new song and Matt going to see Piff the Magic Dragon later in the year although there's still plenty of time for Piff to cancel. Then there's some new fanfiction and oh, what a beautiful, violent and completely pointless beast it is.

CJ60 #72: Hitler Didn't Like Pineapple

Inferno: Experiment 666 chapter 10: Tony tries to convince us that size doesn't matter and Ace admits to being a coconut nut. Matt doesn't like the heat and Seth is very, very quiet, so quiet in fact that it's like he's not even here. The fanfiction starts but it quickly ends when the guys realise that it's just terrible and they should really be talking about more interesting things like pot turning Kevin Smith into a total retard and the audible.com version of Mein Kampf read by Mel Brooks.

CJ60 #71: Capes 'R' Us!

Born of Darkness chapter 6 & 7: the entire world might be falling apart but the guys battle on bravely and address some pressing issues like where did Lando Calrissian get that snazzy cape from, why does Hollywood insist of CGI grave robbing and shouldn't Rocket Racoon be bisexual just for Seth? Then it's onto a chapter and a half of a fanfiction that should have died a long time ago - it gets so bad at one point that they start reading 2 different stories at the same time which seems to make things a lot more coherent.

CJ60 #70: Get the Butter

Inferno: Experiment 666: Tony doesn't appreciate Seth anymore, that's why he's not here this week. The remaining 3 buddies get obsessed about racoon dick in the hope that Rocket Racoon is hung like a...well, a well hung racoon. Then there's the fanfiction and random piano playing by Ace. A racoon walks into a bar and pulls out a 12 inch pianist.

CJ60 #69: Sixty-Nine, Dudes!!!


Born of Darkness chapter 5: This week the guys talk about how the Easter Bunny and Santa take all the glory, MST3K is just enforced comedy commentary, god having a plan to get rid of all the gays, men's nipples, Beaker from The Muppets is a foul racist, a possible Ghostbusters re-remake and the comedy classic subject of modern day gender issues. Then it's fan fiction time which the chaps soon come to realise is the most horrible thing they've ever read so decide to drive it out into the middle of nowhere and leave it for dead before the next episode.

CJ60 #67: Extreme Wangs

Inferno: Experiment 666 chapter 3: In this episode we discover that Ace and Tony are way gayer than Seth. We also witness this weeks fan fiction installment well and truly break Ace. There's talk of Game of Thrones toys, Melissa McCarthy as Robocop, Frank Sidebottom, Stranger Than Fiction, Everything Must Go, Phantasm, Ghostbusters porn parodies, misshapen penises, coffee flavoured ice cream and pumpkin beer.

CJ60 #66: Big Balls is a Love Ballad

Seth's not here this week and there's no fan fiction but there is lots of talk about US and UK food and drink for some reason. Ace, Matt and Tony also natter about Rick & Morty, McDonalds Szechuan sauce, I Hate Fairyland, Invader Zim, The Mask, how many love songs are just dads singing about their daughters, Freddie Mercury was omni-sexual, Alice Cooper's Elton John album, awful metal ballads, Kickstarter funding Alex Winter to do coke and listen to Frank Zappa, Bill & Ted 3, Wayne's World 3, easter eggs, Kevin Smith and Vincent Price. Wow, these guys can talk some serious shit!!

CJ60 #65: That's What She Said!

Born Of Darkness chapter 4: There's talk of the Power Rangers movie and TV show, Seth's sister proving god really does exist, a cure for being attracted to big boobs, Weekend At Bernie's starring Queen Elizabeth II and whether or not we could come to like the Ghostbusters remake if we lived to be 500. Then, because Matt's back, we head back into some awfully drawn out Teen Titans fan fiction.

CJ60 #64: Jessica Rabbit's Cartoon Brothel

Inferno: Experiment 666 chapter 1 & 2: Matt's gone AWOL so the guys bravely carry on without him but the fan fiction just isn't the same without his "dun dunnnnn" sound effects. But before all this, the cheeky chappies talk about the "Paul leaving Geek Shock" shock, Inception and Arrival being rather rubbish movies, the new It shaping up to be crap, pantomimer Andy Serkis, Broad City, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, 24 Legacy and Roger Rabbit 2 with Jessica Rabbit played by a fat, hairy, sweaty guy - calm down Seth!

CJ60 #63: Good Ol' Boy Loving Attitude

Born Of Darkness chapter 3: We talk about Tony's racist blunder at the Liverpool Comic Con, Captain EO, detached retinas, Zelda Breath of the Wild, South Park, Peppa Pig, daylight saving and Ace's hatred for all things gay. We then get onto another chapter of our way-too-descriptive fan fiction. Let's hope there's nothing gay in there to set Ace off again.